BILL: Alright, so Joel and Jason explain the band formation back in
Joel: Jason and I began this band in the shadow of The Ridges, which is
Jason: Joel’s a douche. Um. Ha ha ha, shut up man!
BILL: Got anything else to say about the formation of the band back in
Jason: We met through a website for musicians to meet and form bands. That’s how we met our original drummer too, who never wanted to practice. We played for awhile, it was fun, but when we moved here (
BILL: That actually leads into my next question; why exactly did you move from
Joel: Let’s make this political; they’re probably going to go for Hillary. So… seriously.
BILL: Alright, therefore, Matt and John, why did you join this band?
John: Because I wanted to be in a band, and I responded to an ad on Craigslist…
BILL: It was a Craigslist ad?
John: Yes. Then we all met, and we didn’t play together, all we did was just get drunk and decide we should all be in a band.
BILL: That’s actually a decent way to find out you want to be in a band.
Jason: Matt joined the band through myspace.
Matt: I saw Jason and thought, if this man is this hot this music has got to be awesome.
Matt: You know, I was hoping for a Fallout Boy tribute but then we mutated into this, so…
Jason: A Plain White Tees tribute!
John: I was hoping for a jazz trio but then I ended up with a punk band.
BILL: Alright so this is a general question to everyone. Can a sub two minute Love and Squalor song exist?
Matt: I think so.
Jason: “City of
BILL: Are you fucking serious? A sub two minute Love and Squalor song?
Jason: Yeah man, it’s a minute and twenty one seconds I believe.
Jason: It’s on the album!
BILL: You’re serious?
Jason: Yeah, but other than that song no. “Take That Guernica” may be less than two minutes but I’m not sure.
Matt: But you haven’t heard that shit yet because it’s sooooo new. It’ll blow your mind.
Joel: He’ll probably never hear it because it doesn’t really exist.
BILL: Well Joel, explain your new song writing ideas, and why you want a viola bow in Love and Squalor.
Joel: First of all, I don’t believe I ever said a viola bow…
BILL: Oh no, you did my friend.
Joel: It’s entirely possible, I was very drunk last time I talked to you. But I am working on a seven song cycle; seven being the greatest number of songs that I can possibly contribute to an album.
BILL: What is it based off of?
Joel: Basically, the idea is that I am tearing myself apart, splitting myself into Jungian stereotypes
BILL: I studied some of that guy back in high school so I’m right there with you.
Joel: Jungian archetypes...
Jason: For any of the readers who may have noticed that mistake.
Joel: Right. Splitting myself into Jungian archetypes, voiced by the four different voices we have in the band. The whole thing will parallel the narrative of The Children’s Crusade. Other than that, there’s still a lot to be explored.
BILL: There is, you left a lot of wide open exploration in…
Jason: Aren’t you going to ask us how we write our songs?
BILL: Wait hang on, the doors’ open. Come on man, shut the fucking door!
Jason: I said can Matt and I talk about how we write our songs? Can we talk about that?
BILL: If you guys want to talk about that then go right ahead.
Jason: I pretty much write songs about
BILL: Four plus minute songs
Jason: (dramatic pause) about stuff.
BILL: About stuff? Matt, what do you write songs about? Oh, do you have an Indian on your Tootsie Roll Pop?
Matt: No, I do not believe I have an Indian on my tootsie roll pop, this time. You get something if you save them, right?
BILL: When I was growing up if you got one that meant you got a free sucker.
Matt: Oh really? I was unaware of that. I thought it was like Bazooka where if you get so many and send them in you get a t-shirt or something. I could be wrong.
BILL: I was just in the free sucker portion. Alright, so back on topic. Joel and Jason, you recorded New Blood, New Songs a long time ago. What happened? Any thoughts on why it took so long when you compare when it was recorded to when it was released?
Jason: We’re very, very lazy; and poor.
Joel: What Jason has said is true. Also we aligned ourselves with a label based out of southeastern
Joel: Naturally, yes!
Jason: Who is awesome.
Joel: Were. They no longer exist, but Project Active Media is the name, and I would recommend that people check out what they do have available. Basically the money just wasn’t there.
BILL: Which is understandable, this is punk rock.
Jason: And moving to
BILL: Getting situated here…
Jason: Getting shows and finding spaces to practice, and that stuff…
BILL: And finding somewhere you can afford to live too.
Jason: Also, I would like to mention that the album, the distance between finishing recording the album and getting it out, also in large part is due to the fact that our artist took about ten times longer than he should have to actually do the artwork for the album.
Joel: What was that guy’s name?
Jason: I can’t remember.
Joel: Colin something.
BILL: Alright, so now I run into the not so serious questions. Er, no, wait a minute, I have one more semi-serious band question left. Have you done any extensive touring?
Jason: We went all the way to
BILL: That’s a pretty decent hike.
Matt: It was amazing.
Joel: And it didn’t make any sense!
Jason: Chocolate prostitutes. That’s all I’m saying
BILL: On that note, I’m coming up into my last couple questions. So knowing you guys for as long as I have, I know that you guys like beer. I also know that you guys are cheap. So therefore, your choice cheap beer is what?
Matt: I think you’re sexy
Jason: (to Joel) What’s the beer? The fully one…
John: Yuengling dude!
Joel: If I had my choice I’d be drinking Yuengling.
Jason: Yuengling definitely.
Matt: My favorite cheap beer is American.
BILL: Oh, that’s a good one, American is a good choice.
Jason: Wait wait, can I change my answer to Skittlebrau?
(Hearty laughter all around)
BILL: That’s perfectly fine.
Joel: We made that the other day.
Jason: It doesn’t work, it really doesn’t work. It floats over the top and tastes gross.
BILL: What member of Love and Squalor would be most likely to punch out an obnoxious fan?
Matt: John. John’s the tough guy of the band.
BILL: So he would jump over his Animal (of The Muppets) drum set?
Jason: Have we told you about John’s idea?
BILL: No, tell me about John’s idea.
Jason: When we first got all of us together John had an idea that we should all punch each other in the face, because then there’d be no line left to cross and we could trust each other completely.
Matt: Dude, John wanted to re-name our band… what was your name you wanted to re-name us?
John: Smiling at Death!
BILL: Smiling at Death?
John: I’m still trying to work it in…
Jason: I didn’t think there could be a worse name than Love and Squalor…
John: We’re trying it!
Matt: Smiling at Death may be the worst band name ever.
BILL: Yeah, it might be one of the worst I’ve ever heard.
John: I thought it was great when I thought of it.
Jason: I’m trying to remember your band name.
BILL: You can’t, so fuck you.
BILL: Yeah, my high school band’s name is much worse than that so fuck off.
Jason: Wait wait wait, I’ve got it! Morbid Checkers!
BILL: Fuck you!
John: What was it?
BILL: No, it is not important.
Jason: Morbid Checkers!
BILL: Not important!
Jason: Morbid Checkers!
John: Every good band name is taken anyway so who cares.
BILL: My final written down question is should English majors be allowed in punk rock bands?
Matt: They talk too much!
BILL: That’s what I think!
Jason: That’s why our songs are all four minutes long!
Joel: You only have fifty percent evidence of this…
Matt: They babble! Babble!
John: They talk too much!
Joel: Jason talks too much, I don’t talk at all.
Jason: But Joel never graduated.
BILL: Oh shit. Oh no.
BILL: So my question of whether or not English majors should be allowed in punk rock bands has not been officially answered.
Matt: Are you talking about The Queen’s English? Or, something else?
John: King’s English dude! King’s English!
Jason & Joel: It’s the Queen’s English.
John: You guys are all retards
Joel: And that answer is exactly why I have to say no!
Matt: We’ve just decided that the name of our next album is that.
BILL: So the name of the next album is going to be”You’re all retards?”
(John begins to throttle a tall pole, and it starts to look like it’s going to fall on us)
BILL: Oh shit man, that pole is going to fall on top of my head. Alright, wait a minute, before you get distracted by John knocking over a pole, any last words?
Joel: I fractured my wrist tonight and Matt still made me load shit out.
BILL: Jason, any last words?
BILL: Matt, any last words?
Matt: Bill you’re sexy.
BILL: Thank you! John?
John: Smiling at Death!
BILL: Alright, cool, thank you.